It's not impossible
by Fifty Points of the Mind
Summary: To those who know me, I'm sick and tired of being a mopey, depressed person who can't get a proper romance out. This is straight up ReiShinji, and I will finish it! W00T! Update after, what, a year? I'm trying, seriously.
1. Can you save me?

Author's note: To everyone who has read any of my past stories for NGE, I'm tired of avoiding this subject. This story will be straight up Rei/Shinji, and I'll be damned if I have any more of this depression stopping me from writing this.  
  
-FPotM  
  
Chapter One Can you save me?  
  
(Violins...)  
  
(Violins that play so beautifully...)  
  
(Violins that play so beautifully...)  
  
(Violins that play so beautifully at a funeral...)  
  
(Can you hear it, First Child? As you pass by my grave, flowers still fresh on my headstone, please, stop and take notice of me. This violin that plays, it is for only you to hear...)  
  
"Is this my purpose?" a soft voice asks, though there is no one to be found. No one to be found. No one to be found. How can there be when you are alone?  
  
First Child. Ayanami. Pilot. Doll. There can be so many names for one person. How about monster?  
  
Abomination?  
  
Angel?  
  
Lillith?  
  
"Rei." she whispers. As if in a darkened stage, you could almost hear the curtains rise. "I am..." the spotlight is brought to life. "...Rei." Action.  
  
***  
  
A girl, a young woman drifting alone in a sea of black. "It's quiet." she says to herself. "It kinda is, I suppose." another voice replied. Rei turned her head. Below her, one Shinji Ikari looked up, a small smile playing upon his lips.  
  
"Hello, Ayanami..."  
  
Rei doesn't respond, only her eyes conveying any notice of the Third Child's presence. "Why're you way up there, Ayanami?" Shinji said, his expression one of mild concern. "I do not know, Shinji..." she replied, her face serene. But her eyes widened.  
  
"Something the matter, Ayanami?" Shinji said, as though sensing something was wrong. "I referred to you as Shinji, Shinji." Rei replied, her brow furrowed, realizing that she just called the Third Child by his first name again. "That is strange, isn't it?" Shinji said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Rei only looked on.  
  
"It's almost as strange as you floating up there, and me standing in the dark, isn't it, Ayanami?" Shinji offered, scratching his head. "Yes. It is strange, Shinji." Rei said, her face still only that of slight annoyance. "Can you come down at least?" Shinji said, crossing his arms. Rei nodded, and she slowly descended, also taking a standing position as if she was suddenly on solid ground.  
  
They stood there staring at each other, Rei's impassive stare against Shinji's tired smile. "So..." Shinji began, breaking the silence. Rei quirked her eyebrow. "Aren't you going to ask me what's going on?" Shinji continued. "Yes." Rei said, her face still calm, but her voice was laced with what passed as curiosity for her. "Then ask me a question..." Shinji said matter-of-factly, placing his hands in his pockets.  
  
The First Child almost sighed in exasperation. Almost. "How was it possible that I achieved flight, Shinji?" Rei questioned in her soft voice. Shinji only shrugged. "Where are we, Shinji?" Rei asked. "I don't really know." Shinji replied, looking around them. "Can you answer any of my questions?" Rei said with finality, growing tired of Shinji's uncertainty.  
  
"You're dreaming."  
  
"Excuse me?" Rei said. "Shinji, I find my flying easier to accept than this as a dream." "Then do something that you would never do in real life." Shinji replied, shrugging once more, as if this was a common occurrence. "Very well..." Rei said, taking a deep breath.  
  
Grabbing Shinji's arm, she pulled the pilot towards her. Wrapping one hand around the Third Child's torso and placing the other behind Shinji's head, she drew the Third Child's mouth to her own, pressing her lips onto his. 'So soft...' her mind registered. But more surprising, Shinji's own hand began to snake around her own waist, and she could feel Shinji's tongue starting to gain entry in her mouth. Suddenly, as spontaneously as it had begun, she let go of Shinji, her face tranquil once more. "I believe you..." Rei said simply, but it seemed her eyes were dancing in awe at what she had just dared to do.  
  
"Heh, well that's good." Shinji said, his smile a bit wider. "May I ask another question?" Rei offered without being asked, another thing that would have been surprising in real life. "Fire." Shinji said, a little bit more at ease.  
  
"Are you Shinji Ikari?" She asked.  
  
The Third Child scratched his head. "Well in a way, yes and no." he replied, raising one hand. "I don't understand." Rei said, querying the young man. "Well, I'm the Shinji as you perceive me to be." Shinji explained. "But you did not act as the Third Child would." Rei countered. Even though she was not very good with emotions, she was fairly certain that if she had given a real kiss to the younger Ikari, he would react in a fashion quite opposite of the one she received. "Maybe I'm the Shinji you want me to be?" he said, looking upwards.  
  
Rei was about to ask another question when she felt herself rising again. "Shinji, what's happening?" she said, only through sheer curiosity. "You're waking up." Shinji said. "Oh. Will I see you again?" Rei said as the black world started to fade into white. "Only if you want me to." Shinji yelled to the ascending First Child. "Goodbye, Ayanami..." he whispered as he waved goodbye.  
  
Fin  
  
Notes: Yes, expect another overblown psychoanalytical explanation from me for this chapter. An after effect of my slight depression from the past weeks, coupled with watching the Director's Cut of Eva, the opening sequence was a bit dark. Can you guess whose grave it was? After that, it takes a lighter shade. This is Rei's first dream, and it is quite empty, but nonetheless having exciting experiences. I don't think that it would be very strange for Ayanami to dream about Shinji, even if this wasn't a romance. There certainly is some sort of connection between him and the First Child, it's just a way of your interpreting their relationship. In any case, I've found out that people who prefer love over maternal instinct are a bit more optimistic, though the subject matter on which they are brought together varies from the mundane (swimming lessons, cellos) to the very dark (masochism, nymphomania). Well, it doesn't matter how they got together, the special thing about most R/S stories is that realistically speaking, Shinji's attitude towards the First is somewhere in-between strong curiosity to mild obsession and vice-versa. In my opinion, most of the time this hurts more than helps a relationship, but that just gives a reader a warmer feeling when these two crazy kids finally hook up. It's easier to write A/S because not only are the basic needs of human interaction for both children drastically heightened, but Asuka's overconfident exterior is easily broken to find a very vulnerable psyche that is easy for Shinji to take root in. This is not the case for R/S. Rei is more of an Estella character, having knowledge on love and caring and the like, but by having ice water being poured through her veins, she is rendered incapable of acting upon these impulses. It's unnatural for a person of this mindset to find any happiness through human interaction, but this is just the steep incline before you reach a mountain's summit. If you successfully overcome Rei's manner towards humans in general, you will find that the romance created to be precious. If Asuka is a rose grown from the harshest of soils, beautiful yet having the need to grow more thorns, then Rei is an orchid, living life of delicate balance, yet remaining one of the strongest and most elegant flowers in the world.  
  
-FPotM 


	2. Rising for air

Chapter 2 Rising for Air  
  
Light. Light filtering through closed windows. That is the strongest light of all. That is the light that shined through the closed curtain of the First Child's apartment, illuminating the sleeping girl's face beautifully. Almost undetectably, the ends of her lips turned slightly upwards. "Shinji..." she whispered. As soon as those words escaped her lips, Rei's eyes snapped open, and the tiny smile disappeared as she rejoined the world of the conscious.  
  
"I am awake." she said to herself as she sat up from her bed, as if asserting the fact. Slowly turning her head from side to side, she hugged her legs close to her. There was only one thought on her mind as she tried vainly to grasp the fading wisps of her reverie.  
  
'What do I feel...'  
  
***  
  
Shinji Ikari lived a very predictable lifestyle.  
  
1.Get up. 2.Make breakfast. 3.Go to school. 4.Fight Angel. 5.Suffer irreversible psychological damage. 6.Go home. 7.Listen to SDAT. 8.More mental impairment. 9.Repeat process.  
  
Yes, Shinji knew what constituted his everyday habits. After all, our rituals are what make up most of our existence. As of now, he was going through the movements between 2 and 3.  
  
"Hurry up, Shinji, we're gonna be late for class!" the piercing voice of one Asuka Langley Souryu cried, making the Third Child slacken his slow pace. "Slow down Asuka. We're already at the door." Shinji said lamely, even though he was speeding up to match Asuka's stride. "And that's why I'm always going to be better than you, Shinji. It's all in the eye of the tiger." Asuka said, ribbing Shinji lightly as they both entered the classroom.  
  
"Well if it isn't the newlyweds." a familiar voice called.  
  
"Shove it, Stooge." Asuka replied, simply waving off Touji's comment as she started in Hikari's direction. "She's in a good mood today." the stooge in question replied, narrowing his eyes. "Well good morning to you too, Touji." Shinji stated as he took his seat. "Hey Shinji." "Wassup, Shin- man." and the usual banter of the boys began. "How come Mephistopheles over there didn't bite Touji's head off today?" Kensuke asked, his glasses reflecting the screen of his laptop as he once again was doing something far from legal. "Ah, you know. Shinji over here must have done something right last night, eh Shinji?" Touji joked, smirking at his friend.  
  
"Yeah Touji. We had wild, unbridled sex last night. It was so amazing that Misato woke up and decided to make it a threesome. Then my dad came to the door and said he was sorry for all the years he neglected me. It was one hell of a night." Shinji replied sarcastically, burying his head in his arms. "Heh, right! You and Misato. Now that's a good one!" Touji laughed. "If you have to make up stories, at least make them remotely believable, Shinji." Kensuke said, closing his laptop. Shinji only sighed as he buried his head farther.  
  
"For real though, what's up with Red? She on somethin'?" Touji said, restoring some semblance of seriousness to the conversation. "Oh, she just heard that she's on top again. Something about Kaji coming over. Blah... blah... blah. The usual." Shinji said, his voice muffled. "And as usual, she probably gave you an earful, didn't she." Kensuke said sagely, nodding his head in a knowing manner. "Bingo." Shinji replied. "The 'Oh Kaji's the only man for me' and 'You're unworthy to even kiss my feet' crap again." Touji said, leaning back on his chair. "You guys know me too well." Shinji said , raising his head as the bell rang and the teacher entered the room.  
  
"Rise. Bow. Sit."  
  
So Shinji Ikari successfully made the transition from #2 to #3, another day of boredom for the hapless pilot.  
  
***  
  
One thing that people seem to forget about glass is that, to some extent, it is reflective. So while it appears as if Rei Ayanami was just an antisocial teenager, which she is, that does not mean she isn't observant. So while she did watch the outside world for most of the school day, she occasionally examined the reflections of her classmates, noting their everyday interactions yet not bothering to understand them. All except for one.  
  
"Ikari..."  
  
Again, the brown-haired pilot was the subject of Rei's musings. As the teacher began his pre-meditated jumble of malarkey, Rei couldn't help but direct her reflected gaze on Shinji, who had his laptop open and seemed to be concentrating on the monitor of his computer. 'To know what you think, Third Child.' She thought as she broke her focus on Shinji and fixed her eyes upwards to the sky.  
  
***  
  
'So to make a perfect omelet, you only need to use two eggs instead of three...' The Third Child thought as he looked over his Martha Stewart recipe site. Suddenly, a message box popped up on his screen.  
  
Ken: Catering Sites? You are one pathetic example of a man, Shinji.  
  
Annoyed by the interruption of his search for the golden omelet, Shinji replied hastily.  
  
Shinji: I'm not even going to ask about how you know about the eggs. Just be thankful I'm the one keeping your beloved Misato supplied with real food, or else all those instants would go straight to her hips by now.  
  
Shinji pressed the send button, and looked over his shoulder. The military otaku read the message, shook his head, and typed in response.  
  
Ken: Bad mental picture! Go find your recipes, cookie.- : (  
  
Shinji smirked at the final note and closed the instant messenger, continuing his culinary expeditions in cyberspace.  
  
***  
  
'Exchange of glances by Ikari and Aida. Aida initiating by seemingly sending a message to Ikari. Ikari appears to have been disturbed by interruptions, but reacted with his own statement. Statement apparently perturbs Aida, rectifying a response. Ikari receives response, and ascertains humor from statement.'  
  
This and that took form in Rei's mind as she continued her silent vigil of her classroom. Even though these small activities formed no real purpose other than the staving off of boredom, Rei nonetheless took note of Shinji's reactions.  
  
Resting her head on her palm, Rei once again blocked out the world and focused on her window. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun openly shining and a couple of birds flying past. A car would pass by every now and then. It was all compiled into a relaxing setting. This coupled with the soft drone of the teacher's lecture, and the rhythmic tapping of her classmate's laptops, Rei soon found her eyelids slowly sliding over her tired gaze.  
  
***  
  
"Hey, didn't expect you to be here so soon." a familiar voice interrupted Rei's thoughts, and she turned to see a smiling Shinji looking over her shoulder and out her window. "Shinji?" Rei said. As soon as she realized what words had come out of her mouth, she looked around her. The classroom was still there. The teacher was still reading out of his textbook. The students were still not paying any attention. The only real difference was that Shinji was out of his seat and standing over her.  
  
"You look surprised." Shinji said after the First Child finished her quick scan of the room, yet not looking away from Rei's window at any time. "You are out of your seat, yet it seems that our classmates are taking of no notice of you." Rei coolly, looking up towards Shinji. "Hmm, not much space for explanation, huh Rei?" Shinji said, turning from the window and regarding the First Child. "It is improbable that this is another dream, Shinji, for as I can see, I am neither sleeping and this is a very plausible setting which we are in." Rei said, her logic once again speaking for her.  
  
"Probably, but you're missing a few things." the Third Child responded, taking a seat on the floor between the aisles. "And what would I have missed?" Rei said. "For one, you're not a regular person." Shinji said, laying down on the floor. Rei took no offense in this fact and asked for the young Ikari to continue. "Secondly, even though we're in a natural setting, the people around us are acting strangely, don't you think?" Shinji said. Rei nodded in approval, seeing as this was true. "And lastly, if this was real life, you would have just ignored me anyway." Shinji stated with finality, closing his eyes, an expression of hurt on his features.  
  
"I would not have..." Rei started weakly, yet was unable to finish her statement as the truth sank in. "Nope. If this were real life, you would have just left me talking and went on looking out your window." Shinji said, his eyes still closed. "I..." Rei whispered. "Don't worry about it though." Shinji's voice said in a gentler tone. "..." Rei only stared at her lap, like a child that had done something wrong. "Rei, don't be so hard on yourself. You're talking to me now, right?" Shinji said, sitting up on his shoulders. "But I..." Rei started, but she felt a finger being placed softly on her lips. "Don't sweat it." Shinji said, smiling. Rei nodded gently, forming a small smile of her own. "Atta girl." Shinji replied, playfully punching the First Child. "Well, see ya'." Shinji said. And with that, Rei Ayanami's world exploded in a burst of sound.  
  
***  
  
The lunch bell rang and whatever the teacher was talking about was gone with the wind. As the scuffling of feet and scratching of tables issued forth and the exodus for the cafeteria began, Shinji Ikari found himself alone in the room with a certain blue haired girl as he put away his laptop. Seeing as the First Child had apparently ignored the lunch bell, he found that it would be a nice thing to go and see if his fellow pilot needed a reminder that this was the allotted time students to go and find nourishment for their growing teenage bodies.  
  
"Um, excuse me, Ayanami. The lunch bell rang." Shinji said gingerly, as if walking on a tightrope. He never really knew how to act around Rei, but he tried his best not upset their fragile relationship whenever possible. However, he was in for a surprise.  
  
"Oh, thank you, Shinji."  
  
Rei stood from her seat and proceeded out the door, leaving Shinji standing confused at her chair. "What just happened?" the Third Child said to himself as the fleeting figure of the blue haired pilot turned the corner of the stairs.  
  
Fin  
  
Notes: This is pretty much a straightforward chapter. I just wanted to see how accurately I could describe an ordinary day with Shinji and his friends. So far, the only relationship is between Rei and Rei's Shinji, but at least how they act towards each other is well defined. In all actuality, Rei's Shinji is only there to guide the First Child into better understanding her emotions and subconscious. The real clue that Rei has love for Shinji (that's right, I said the "L" word) is that she chose him as her guide, if any, to her innermost being, the things that make up Rei Ayanami. That and my overwhelming need to write a romance for the both of them assures that things will work out for them in the end. And for those who don't get Shinji's final statement, he's surprised that Rei thanked him and that she called him by his first name. Now it's up to me to see what Shinji will do when he has time to think about what just happened today. Let's hope I don't screw up so badly.  
  
To the reviewers: Normally I only reply to the reviews of the first few chapters of my stories, but since you have been kind enough not to shoot me down, I'll try to reply as much as possible. I also tend to reply more to people who stick with a story, but I'm going to see if I can take all of your suggestions to heart. Since I've already written about five chapters of the story in advance, some things might surprise you. I've already got most of the story planned out, but I'll see if I can squeeze in any of your comments in. With that being said, onward to the reviews.  
  
jennyjennai: Yes, it is quite different now that parts of the show are more elaborated. I hope the interactions of the boys stayed within rational limits. Yeah, she does show a lot of emotion in that episode. I just wish that there could have been more interaction between her and Shinji right before then. I would love to see how she would act if she was closer to Shinji then.  
  
Hououza: I can't remember, but doesn't Rei also play violin? Or was it viola? In any case, for now the question of whose grave it is still open to suggestion. It can be just about anyone for now. Hououza, I thank you for your kind words. You're reviews are some of the more insightful of the comments I've received, and I thank you for your correspondence. Yes, the Director's cut has been released stateside. Hope you get it soon. It really is good.  
  
D14852001 Thanks for agreeing with me, D. I'm just happy that the Asuka fans haven't crucified me yet. As to your first question, however, I can't really say who died since you didn't specify anybody. As always, your comment leads to the betterment of the overall picture.  
  
avian304 Well that's good to know. Now if I can only keep the steam going. I hope this chapter is to your liking. As for Shinji dead, who knows. For all you guys know, this might be just one huge flashback. Thank you for your views on my little project.  
  
Xardion I'm glad you like the notes. Yeah, I do tend to go overboard on the Author's notes sometimes, but that's just part of my writing style. Besides, it gives the reader more insight on what I actually think when I write these stories. The only problem is, sometimes the notes make up more than half a story. Being introspective hurts sometimes...  
  
Vanimal Don't worry, there's more to come. For now, I hope this chapter satiated your appetite, Vanimal. As for the rose and orchid, the idea is actually pretty widespread. I was kind of surprised when I saw that many Asuka fics also compared the firebrand German to a rose and more predominantly when I read So Happy Together, at first I was kind of angry. I went like "Hey, she ripped off my idea." then I saw that it was actually at about the same time as I began to consider Rei as an orchid, so I got over that. Anticipate you review again.  
  
Rei-a.k.a.-Ayanami-chan Well, I never thought that I would actually get a review from the famous Ms. Ayanami-chan. Way back when, I had to trawl through the morass of yaoi fanfics and hentai websites, and some A/S fics that really bashed Rei before I could get a good story. Sometimes it's hard to get into the mood of writing, being disillusioned by the great number of A/S and nonsensical neo-stories that try to hard to please everyone at the same time. Your site cuts through all of that. I'm thinking of joining it myself. That's why I thank you and Ryan for giving me a place to go for comprehensible R/S. I hope your site grows and prospers.  
  
Optimus Magnus I take the accolades of the crossover king. I love your work with the Transformers. I agree that the 80's shows are the bomb. I still shed a tear when Optimus Prime dies. Well, thank you again for your response, and I hope you check back again soon. 


	3. Trumpet Fanfare

Chapter 3 Trumpet Fanfare  
  
"Misato, I'm home." Shinji yelled into the apartment as he took off his shoes at the door. When no one answered him back, Shinji just crossed over the living room and sat himself on the couch. "Waark!" a small avian said, almost thrown of his seat by the sudden arrival of the larger and heavier human. "Oh, sorry Pen-Pen." Shinji muttered a quick apology, though he didn't seem to be with it himself. He sat there, brooding over what had happened earlier this day. "What was that all about?" he thought out loud.  
  
After lunch, Shinji couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of the First Child, sometimes openly staring at her when no one seemed to notice. And when Kensuke and Touji saw what was happening with their friend, they immediately confronted him with it, poking fun at their friend as they walked home.  
  
***  
  
"Man, Shinji. I always knew you had a thing for Ayanami." said Kensuke.  
  
"I don't have a 'thing' for Ayanami." said Shinji  
  
"Oh, whatever, Shin-man. You were all over her today" said Touji  
  
Shinji : "I don't think a couple of passing looks constitutes as being all over my co-worker."  
  
Kensuke: "Just a couple?! You probably didn't even blink when you were ogling her!"  
  
Touji : "Hey, let's give our buddy the benefit of the doubt. Ayanami is hot in that ice queen sorta' way."  
  
Kensuke: "Yep she's definitely got a body."  
  
Shinji : "I can't believe I'm a part of this conversation."  
  
Touji : "Don't tell me you're in it for her 'personality'."  
  
Kensuke : "Oh, low blow, Touj."  
  
Shinji : "Hey, Rei does have a personality."  
  
Kensuke: "Says the man who is on a first name basis with said female."  
  
Shinji : "You guys are insufferable."  
  
Touji : "So you do have the hots for Ms. Antarctica."  
  
Shinji : "Argh..."  
  
***  
  
But before Shinji could mull things over more, the doorbell interrupted his train of thought.  
  
"Yes...oh." Shinji said, whatever he thought of saying instantly wiped from his mind when he saw who was at the door. "Hello, Ikari." a gentle voice said. "Rei-I mean Ayanami, uh, hey." Shinji stuttered. In front of him was not the Rei he knew. Even though she didn't look any different from when they were at school, something in the last two hours drastically changed the First Child. The way she seemed to carry herself now was indescribable.  
  
"Please come walk with me."  
  
Those five words were the beginning of a beautiful romance.  
  
***  
  
"So... where are we going, Ayanami?" Shinji said uneasily as they walked down the streets of Tokyo-3. "Here..." she said, handing the pilot a flyer. "The Meaning of One's Self..." Shinji read aloud. 'What the hell?' Shinji thought as they neared the subway station. "May I ask why we're going to this...uh...thing?" Shinji asked, still in the dark about whatever this flyer mentioned. "Yes." Rei replied bluntly, her face forward. "Ok, why are we going to this thing?" Shinji said, rolling his eyes. "For me." Rei said, facing the Third Child, her face not betraying any emotion.  
  
As they reached the station, the usual crowd of early evening shift was there, making the station more lively than usual. Of course, this meant that there wouldn't be many seats. That meant some people had to be standing up. And that meant some people had to be squashed together. Too bad for Shinji.  
  
"Urk, excuse me...Sorry...Hey!...Ouch!...Well same to you, buddy!" Shinji said as he struggled in the crowd. For those unfamiliar with the Japanese subway, this is one of the few places that people actually become aggressive in Japan, and any amount of free space is fair game. Rei, however, seemed to flow like water through the crowd, with Shinji only able to keep track of her through her azure hair. By the time Shinji caught up with her, she was already in a seat, her gaze directed at the double doors that the people flooded through. "Over here, Ikari." she said without looking up, patting the empty seat that she saved against the overwhelming odds of people for the Third Child.  
  
"Wow, thanks Ayanami." Shinji said, gratefully taking the seat proffered to him. "Man, you sure have a knack for getting through crowds." Shinji complimented his friend. "Yes, this is a useful skill to have, Ikari." Rei replied, making Shinji face her once again. Even though Rei's last comment wasn't really that surprising, most of the time, normally Shinji had to talk for maybe half an hour before receiving such an open response. "Uh, right." he mumbled, not sure whether it was safe to continue this conversation.  
  
"How was your day, Ikari?" Rei said, finally breaking her gaze of the crowd and looking directly into Shinji's eyes. That probably gave the all- clear. "M-my day?" Shinji stuttered, not really believing that Rei was trying to start small talk with him. "Yes. I would like to know if anything interesting happened today." Rei said as the doors of the train finally closed and the train began moving. If it wasn't for the jolt of the train, Shinji might have just stayed where he was, still unsure if this really was his Rei Ayanami.  
  
"Mm, I guess it was ok." Shinji replied, not knowing what Rei wanted to know about him. Rei nodded and turned to face the double doors again. Shinji finally breathed easy as the regular silence appeared to have returned, and he felt the pattern he and Rei always had settle. Of course, this was broken by her familiar voice once again. "That is good to know. My experiences today are not worth mentioning." Rei admitted nonchalantly. "Right..." Shinji responded, no longer confused but actually afraid.  
  
However, unbeknownst to Shinji, Rei was having the same apprehension, as he was experiencing. 'Why am I doing this?' 'I have no wish to reveal myself to Ikari.' 'This feeling is undesirable, yet...' These thoughts cluttered Rei's mind, and of course, the logical reaction would have been to recoil, to block herself from the world, to run away. Yet something inside Rei stopped her from doing any of the above. Even though she was experiencing something unfamiliar, somewhere in her head she knew that if she ignored Shinji, this feeling of disquiet would only grow in potency.  
  
And for some unknown reason, she knew exactly what the feeling was called. 'So this is what guilt feels like." she thought. For the first time in Rei Ayanami's life, she felt shame. Shame for ignoring Shinji, who was the first person in so many years to actually see how she acted towards others and still continued to care for her. After years of isolation, she finally began to reciprocate Shinji's feelings. At first it only started as a light trickle of small smiles and words of security, and that was still only when Shinji brought it about, but now it was snowballing out of proportion, the floodgates opened by her own conscious thought.  
  
And there Rei was, knowing that she had to do something about the way she had been treating her friend, yet having no idea on how to act on her emotions. So even if Rei's heart was in the right place, the way she acted now only seemed to scare the Third Child off, her expression still that of an uncaring recluse even if her manner of speaking was vastly altered. "You seem to be unsettled, Ikari. Do you wish to inform me of what is troubling you?" Rei asked, trying her best to sound concerned but only succeeded in raising her eyebrow. And to Shinji, this only looked more as a challenge than a gesture of support, and frankly, it scared the shit out of him!  
  
"A-actually, Ayanami..." Shinji started shakily. 'Now's it, Shinji. Ask her why she's acting this way. "...I was wondering..."  
  
'Mustn't run away! Mustn't run away! Mustn't run away.'  
  
"FWEEEEEET!!!"  
  
With the whistle of the stop, the double doors flew open again, and the crowd rose to move. Whatever Shinji had to say was gone with the crowd. In fact, so was Shinji.  
  
"Hey! What the! Get offa' me! I'm with somebody. I'm not supposed to get of alone!!!"  
  
And just like that, Shinji found himself in the ticket booth, pushed by the veracious mob through two waiting gates, the turn-stops and a flight of stairs. "Great..." Shinji muttered sarcastically, lowering his head. "What is great, Ikari?" a gentle voice inquired. "GAAH!" Shinji almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Rei hovering beside him, her head tilted innocently, her face close to Shinji's own. If Shinji just wasn't so damn high-strung and trying to catch his breath, he might have found the First Child's pose... cute.  
  
"Are you in pain, Third Child?" Rei said with what passed as mild concern. She really was surprised by Shinji's reaction and didn't consider that she might have been the cause of his fright. "Hah...ha...hah. I'm *gasp* fine, Ayanami. J-just don't sneak up on me like that." Shinji exhaled sharply, his hands on his knees. "If you say so..." Rei agreed, though she wasn't fully convinced that Shinji was alright. 'I've got to find out how she does that...' Shinji thought as he straitened up, even if was still a bit out of breath.  
  
"So where do we go now?" Shinji said, turning to Rei. "Oh, yes. Please follow me." Rei replied, gesturing for Shinji to walk her way. Shinji, like his dream counterpart, shrugged and decided to just go with the flow.  
  
Fin  
  
Notes: Not much to tell. I'm ok with this chapter, but I'm a bit disappointed how it ends. In actuality, this was supposed to be half of one big chapter, but it took up to much space, so I just cut it. Writing chapters five parts in advance is pretty good, knowing that you don't have to worry about whatever happens next. Also, I'm gonna be looking for some pre readers. That's about it.  
  
-FPotM  
  
Lonely Angel/ Rouge Angel:  
  
Hey man, here's your update. As for l337, yeah, I know it exists. Probably know a thing or two about it, but I don't know if there are rules or anything like that. I'm happy your out-and-out supportive of my story. Come again!  
  
jennyjennai  
  
Nice to see you again, J.J.. I don't know, maybe Shinji's gay or something. Heh, just kidding. Come to think of it, Shinji is a very normal boy, at least as normal as you can get under his circumstances. Maybe he just wants more normality in his own home, as opposed to the battles he fights with the angels and everyone else in the world. But sadly, even then he is slowly losing, as the minds of the people around him crumble, so does his sense of security. Whoa, I just made a profound statement. Peace, J.J....  
  
Xardion:  
  
Wassup. Yeah, that was an ok chapter. Here's another one. Enjoy.  
  
Hououza:  
  
Wow, I just figured out your name, man. I was playing Pokemon, and I made the connection. Ho-oh. Hou-ou. Man, that really blew my mind. Oh well. Now Shinji's all confused, but since the situation is once again out of his control, he decides it'll just be better if takes it in stride. Yeah, a couple of scenes were intended to be funny, but I don't think I can keep up the laughs. I'm not Jim Carry (watch me misspell that.). On the Asuka relationship thing, yeah, she's gonna be pissed. I don't know if I'm going to make her vengeful, acceptant, or just plain wacko for this one. In all truth, I have no beef with Asuka. I just think that it would be nice if she got off of Shinji's case for a while. Always a pleasure to hear from you, Phoenix...  
  
Optimus Magnus:  
  
Hey, moving to college is always great. Cut off from everybody, those lazy days on the campus. Thanks for the praise. It'll get me through a couple more days.  
  
Ayanami-chan:  
  
Man, my fingers are frozen. Brr... Anyways, enough about my problems. Well, they say repeat business is the best. As my friend Apu would say, Thank you, come again!  
  
Sauerbruch :  
  
Man, your in-depthness scares me. Now I have to write twice as hard as I usually do. Well, that's ok. It's these kinds of review that I appreciate the most, being all constructive yet informative at the same time. I'll try not to wind up in the road you described. I think I get what you mean. Authors get all hyped up by the romance that they forget about the giant monster/ end of the world thing going around, but if I'm wrong, please correct me. Hope this chapter is cool with you...  
  
End Notes: That's it for today, true believers. Get ready to say "Excelsior!" once more. 'Nuff said. (Heh, Stan Lee is cool.)  
  
-FPotM 


	4. Back and Forth Again

Chapter 4 Back and forth again  
  
The sun was setting as the pilots came up to surface once more. After exiting the subway station, Shinji noticed that they were in the theatrical section of Tokyo-3. Neon lights that fought with the dying rays of the sun illuminated doorways to cafes, bars, and playhouses. The smooth melody of jazz and the smell of java wafted through the air, and sleepy corner bookstores rang to life as a customer stepped in through the doors. Posters of long gone musicians and theatrical pieces clung on to chain-link fences like dying leaves on a tree, and a street performer played a violin in the background, giving the place an unreal feel.  
  
"Ikari..." Rei said, bringing Shinji back to Earth. She was standing next to the Third Child, and Shinji knew, even if he couldn't tell by her face, that Rei wanted to get moving again. "Oh, sorry, Ayanami. I just got caught up in the scenery." he said, smiling weakly. As Shinji smiled, Rei felt something thump in her chest, and Shinji looked exactly as in her dreams. "Yes..." she said. "...the scenery is quite beautiful, isn't it, Shinji." Her eyes widened as she realized what she had just called the *real* Shinji, but he only nodded his head. "Yeah..." Shinji nodded faintly, turning to face the other side of the street. "...it's pretty nice."  
  
If Shinji had been paying attention to Rei, for a split second he might have noticed that her lips, ever so slightly, were curved up, and her eyes seemed to flicker faintly as she looked at his captivated expression. Shinji of course, began to notice the interest that Rei had been giving him, and snapped out of his reverie. "Eh, of course! I've never been to this part of the city, but it sure is more lively than the Geofront." Shinji hastily added, trying not to sound too far-off.  
  
"I agree. It is much more entertaining." Rei said, nodding her head. "Where do we go now?" Shinji asked, finally agreeing with himself that as long as this strange trip with an equally out-of-character Ayanami, he might as well enjoy himself. And so far, the trip had been interesting. Plus, this place had mysterious a charm, like the First Child herself. The only difference was, while most of the time Rei was cold and isolated, this quarter of town seemed warm and friendly. Maybe it was just the atmosphere, but Rei and Shinji actually were more at ease.  
  
"We are going to a reading." Rei stated simply, and she turned her heels and started towards the end of the street. "Follow me, Ikari." she said, turning back to urge on the pilot. "Ok." Shinji said, walking a bit faster to catch up to her.  
  
Feeling the need to essentially talk to this new Rei, Shinji decided that he would be just as forward as this facet of the ever growing enigma that was the First Child. "Sooo, do you come here often?" Shinji said. 'Oh my God?! How cheesy was that?!' Shinji mentally cursed when he found out how lamely he worded his question. But since Rei hasn't seen any movies with Uber-macho leads, she just answered it as she usually would have.  
  
"This part of the city has a very deep-rooted history in music and arts. In the past, I often attended lessons for the viola, violin and saxophone here." Rei said as they walked down the neon lit avenue, the sun only a shimmer of light in the distance. "I didn't know you played sax, Ayanami." said Shinji, a little surprised. "Yes. I have had lessons for the soprano and alto saxophones. Do you consider this fact of any relevance?" Rei replied. To anyone else, this might have been interpreted as a curious statement. But to Shinji, the carefully worded response meant that the First Child was actually seeking approval for her skill. And it wouldn't be very nice of Shinji to begrudge this small request.  
  
"Yeah, I think it's cool that you know how to play three different instruments. All I can play is the cello." Shinji replied. If Rei would have been any other girl, she would have blushed at the praise. However, she had her own way of reacting to situations. "In my opinion, Ikari, the proficiency of any musical instrument is a great achievement." Rei stated with a firm voice. Shinji was taken aback by the sureness of Rei's declaration. "Why is that, Ayanami?" Shinji asked. "Music is a part of the human being, as much a part as your soul. It is the product of one of the purest emotions an individual can share. It is the product of passion, a product of devotion, but foremost, a product of love." Rei said, and she placed her hand over her heart as she spoke these words. "Perhaps I shall experience what it means to feel this one day."  
  
It took a lot for Rei to open herself in that way to anyone, especially one she cared about the most. She felt drained, but also as if she had taken a breath of fresh air after a 14-year swim. She wanted something now, something she couldn't describe, but she knew it was there, like a weight lifted from her heart. And her heart was beating. Not in the sense that a heart you can pierce, the heart you can stab and prick. This heart was different. It had a pulse, a weak pulse, but a rhythm that proved to the world it was there.  
  
And Shinji felt it. With those words that the First Child expressed, it was like a hammer to his skull. The Ayanami he had seen, the Ayanami he knew, the Ayanami he understood was gone. In it's place was this new, glorious being. And Shinji could only describe her with one word. "Beautiful." Shinji whispered. "Pardon, Ikari..." Rei asked, wondering what Shinji was muttering about. "Oh...ah, nothing, Ayanami..." Shinji said, hanging his head a little low, trying to hide the small blush creeping across his face.  
  
Rei, however, suddenly felt a chill up her spine. She didn't like Shinji ignoring her. It almost felt like being...abandoned. "Did I say something to upset you, Ikari?" Rei said, her voice actually laced with distress. 'Please stop this feeling, Shinji. Please stop it.' She silently pleaded, her instinct telling her that the pain would only stop when Shinji would start talking again. "Wha? You didn't do anything wrong, Ayanami." Shinji said, his brow furrowed. 'What is up with Rei today?' he thought, really getting worried about his co-pilot. One second, she is totally cold, the next she's poetic and elegant, and the next she was kinda' acting like... himself.  
  
And of course, since Shinji knew what this felt like, he immediately tried to avoid the subject, diverting the stream of apologies he knew would come out of the First Child's mouth if given the chance. "Are we almost there, Ayanami?" Shinji said hurriedly, just as Rei opened her mouth to make amends for a non-existent crime. Thankfully, she was still more Rei Ayanami than anything else, and answered immediately. "Yes. We are here, Ikari." Rei said, gesturing to a majestic theatre that almost leapt out of nowhere. Shinji could only say one word to what the structure looked like. "Whoa..."  
  
Back at the apartments:  
  
"Hey Misato. Know where Shinji is? I'm getting hungry." Asuka said as she came out of the bathroom, toweling off her hair as the steam from the shower evanesced at her feet. "Oh, Shinji? He's out somewhere." Misato said, looking up from a magazine she was reading. Clad only in boxers and a sleeveless undershirt, Misato was a sight to behold, and with the Second Child's glistening body wrapped only in a *very* tight towel, it was a scene that half the high-school population of Tokyo-3 would gladly have paid for. The other half were smart enough to download it off the internet. (Heh, just a little fan service for the hormone engulfed teens out there.)  
  
"Out? That loser?" Asuka said incredulously, finding it hard to believe that the Invincible Shinji had better things to do than cook for her royal majesty Souryu. "Feh, he's probably with the other two stooges at the arcade, no doubt frying their eyeballs." Asuka scoffed. However, Misato actually cared about her charges, so she decided to defend one of them from the assault of the other. At least, in a way that gave a few kicks for her. "Well it just might surprise you, Asuka, but the so called loser is out on a date." Misato said. 'Heh, that'll boil her blood.' "WHAT?! What kind of weirdo would go out with a doofus like him?" Asuka said, slamming her hands on the table. "That would be Rei." Misato said, getting back to her magazine. 'Time to watch the fireworks.' she snickered, waiting for Asuka's overreaction.  
  
"THOSE TWO?!? HOW DARE SHINJI GO OUT ON A DATE WITH THAT LITTLE PUPPET THAN MAKE ME DINNER?!" And there goes the Fourth of July. "WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?! THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER! THE INVINCIBLE SHINJI WITH HIS LITTLE WÜNDERDOLL! GO ON ,SHINJI! BEND HER, BREAK HER, GIVE HER SOMETHING TO REMEMBER! IT'S NOT ANY OF MY CONCERN! HE'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE ME A SEVEN- COURSE DINNER WHEN HE GETS HOME!" Asuka stormed, stomping off to her room, leaving a highly amused Misato in her wake.  
  
"Heh. That never gets old." She sniggered, going back to her magazine.  
  
In the theatre:  
  
The old opera house was magnificent. Gold chandeliers, velvet rope, red plush carpeting and so many other classic accents abounded the playhouse. Shinji couldn't believe that there were still places like this intact after Second Impact. It was something straight out of a tacky romance novel. "This is incredible, Ayanami." Shinji said, his eyes traveling from one bill of a past performance to the next. Tens of old movies, plays and musicals hung on the wall of the golden hallway. "How did you know it was here?" Shinji said, marveling at the painted ceiling, the scene one of a great battle between Caesar and some barbarian country.  
  
"The Commander often comes to theatres such as this to view religious operas. He occasionally asks me to accompany him." She said calmly as they walked the grand hallway and into a rotunda. "So this is where we're gonna be watching that... thing?" Shinji said. "Yes, we shall be viewing it in the black box." Rei replied, as she turned a corner, almost with the fluidity that she navigated the labyrinth-like Central Dogma.  
  
Later in the Black Box:  
  
Even though it was smaller than the regular stages, the black box was no less elegant than its full sized relative. Inside, the lights were dimmed, and a single speaker cried to the crowd.  
  
"DOOM! YOU ARE DOOMED, I AM DOOMED, FOR WE ALL ARE DOOMED!" The speaker bellowed at the top of his voice.  
  
So this was what "The Meaning of One's Self" was. It was a new-age type monologue, the speaker more in tune with death than with the mysteries of the human being.  
  
"AND YOUR CHILDREN ARE DOOMED, AND YOUR DOG IS DOOMED!"  
  
There few people in the theatre, and Shinji and Rei were at the back, sparing their ears from the grim tidings brought by the player.  
  
"AND THE FISHES ARE DOOMED. AND THE BIRDS ARE DOOMED!"  
  
The music was that of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" making the production more comical than it meant to be. And the couple in the back were making out. Rather heavily.  
  
"ALL YOU LOVERS ARE DOOMED. ALL YOU HATERS ARE DOOMED. AND ALL THE SO- CALLED PLAYAS ARE DOOMED!"  
  
Of course, this couple was not Shinji and Rei. Yeah, right, like they would make out in a darkened theatre with almost no people and little supervision. Yep, Shinji just sat there, suffering through the entire 'doomed'-ness of the whole damn play. Rei however, seemed engrossed by the depressing banter of the actor. 'Why did I go here...' Shinji asked himself mentally. Taking a look at the almost smiling Rei, Shinji smiled too. 'Yeah. That's why I'm here.' he thought. Even though he was bored to tears, he knew that the First Child was enjoying herself, morbid as it seemed, and he loved being around her when she was happy. In fact, he was one of the only couple of people that could actually tell the First Child was happy.  
  
"Hey, Ayanami..." Shinji whispered, ducking his head down so that the actor wouldn't see him breach audience etiquette. "Yes, Ikari." Rei said silently, still not taking her eyes away from the monologue. "Is this almost over?" Shinji said. Even though he was here for the First Child, he still wanted to know how much more he had top suffer. "This reading shall continue for approximately two more hours, Ikari." she told him, now lacing her fingers in the "Gendo" pose. "Oh, ok then." Shinji replied, nodding. Two more hours of torture.  
  
"But..."  
  
Okay, maybe not that long.  
  
"... my interest of this play is waning. Have you any suggestions, Ikari..." Rei said, leaning back in her chair and turning to face Shinji. "...for they would be much appreciated."  
  
Author's notes: Dammit, I'm making Rei too OOC. Not really a big thing, but I didn't expect people to notice so soon. Oh well, what can you do? I don't really have much to say for now, but I apologize for the delay in updates. Also, I apologize to Hououza. Sorry, but I can't seem to send any attachments to you. Also, the number of reviews are getting a little big, so don't be angry if I can't reply to some as quickly as i used to. But don't fret. Along the way, I'll thank everyone who shared their ideas, and at the end of the fic, I'll write down pesonal replied to everyone, no matter how insignificant or hurting it is.Well, that's about it. -FPotM 


	5. Godzilla loves them

Chapter 5  
  
Godzilla loves them...  
  
The Theatre:  
  
"Uh, you mean you don't like this, Ayanami?" Shinji said, pointing to the reader. "If you prefer we stay here, we shall, Ikari." Rei said, not giving away anything. "No-no-no." Shinji said, waving his hands in his defense. "It's just that I thought you wanted to see this, uh, thing." Shinji said. "Ikari, when I read the review for this article, I assumed that this would be a thought provoking venture into the human psyche. However, this..."  
  
"DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOODOMDMOMDOMOODMOMODMMMMDOOOODMODOMO!!!!"  
  
"... Is absolute drivel." Rei said, waving her hand in front of the stage. "Wow. I didn't know you felt that way, Ayanami." Shinji said, scratching his head. "I did not know that I felt that way either, Ikari." Rei said cryptically. Come to think of it, Rei was kind of confused about what she said also. But no matter. Shinji brightened considerably, this was his chance to do something fun. "We passed by a movie house a while ago. Do you want to go there"?" Shinji said, almost pleadingly. "I am in your hands, Ikari." Rei said elegantly, rising from her seat.  
  
Movie Theatre:  
  
"Run for your lives! It's Godzilla!"  
  
The theatre thundered around them as the cheesy black-and-white lizard waded out of Tokyo harbor, radioactive flames shooting from its maw.  
  
"AEAAEYEAERREAEUWUUU!"  
  
"Ikari, does this... "Godzilla" creature really exist?" Rei said as Godzilla proceeded to destroy a power station, sending electrical sparks over the scratchy movie screen. If Shinji didn't know any better or maybe it was the dark lighting of the movie house, he could have sworn that the First Child looked...scared. "Not that I know of." Shinji said, this time being the one not taking eyes of off the production. "Good. I do not think I would have enjoyed an encounter with such a beast." Rei said. "You're afraid that we might have fought *Godzilla*, Rei?" Shinji said with humor.  
  
"Yes. I do not believe our Eva's would stand a high success rate against it. For angels, we know how to defeat and have defenses, but we have no way of knowing the destructive capabilities of a radioactive dinosaur." Rei said. "But Godzilla's just a man in a rubber suit, Rei." Shinji explained. "That monster is just another human being Ikari? How can that be, it is so realistic." Rei said innocently. 'My God.' Shinji thought. "Rei, this film is half a century old. You're just not used to seeing how things were done waaaay back then." Shinji replied.  
  
Rei nodded, but didn't seem fully convinced. At least Shinji had something to look back on the ride home. So they settled back and watched the movie. For about two seconds. "Ikari, if that is a man in a costume, then how can he move the tail so?"  
  
"Argh..."  
  
At the sidewalks:  
  
After Rei and Shinji emerged from the movie house, the streetlights were already on, and the section of time slowly breathed to life. The neon signs that were just mere glows during the day were now searing embers of light, and coffee-like smells abounded. The whole place rocked to the beat or jazz, soul, classical, and many other forms of music, all blending together to form a world symphony. "This place sure has a beat to it." Shinji said as once again he fell in awe at the power of this part of town. "I agree. I have never been here so late, Ikari. This is the first time I have seen it in, how you say, 'full swing'." Rei nodded.  
  
"Yeah..." Shinji said, turning to face her smiling a little. Rei froze. It was the same tired smile. The smile that burned her. The smile that made her chest feel funny. The smile she could not explain. And there they stood, in a sea of neon lights and the smell of mocha. Amongst the music of the world, the passion of many cultures, the love of countless peoples, they beheld each other, not really knowing what to do and not caring what to do either, just living for the moment. But like the Cinderella's clock striking midnight, the dream had to end at some point. The clock for Shinji was a ringing in his pocket.  
  
"Hello, Misato? Oh, I'm here with Rei. No, I don't know what time it is. WHAT?!? Is Asuka pissed? Oh man. Ok. Uh huh. Right. Thanks Misato. I'll be right back. Bye." Shinji exchanged with Misato quickly, snapping his cell phone shut. "I have kept you for too long, Ikari. I apologize." Rei said, snapping out of her reverie, once again feeling guilt for something out of her control. "Hey, don't worry. I shouldn't have suggested we go to that movie in the first place." Shinji said, looking down at his cell. "Even so, Ikari, I should have not asked you to come knowing that you shall get into trouble." Rei replied.  
  
"Don't sweat it."  
  
Rei perked up when she heard those words. "W-what did you say, Ikari?" Rei said shakily. "Um, don't sweat it, Ayanami?" Shinji said, thinking he had done something wrong. "I, I..." Rei began, then taking a deep breathe. "... affirmative, Ikari. I shall put this matter to rest." Rei stated stolidly, again shifting her persona back to that of a cold pilot. "Oh, ok Rei." Shinji said, noticing the change in Rei and going back on his guard.  
  
"Well then..." Shinji said, looking down on his shoes. "I'll see you tomorrow then, Ayanami?" Shinji said, looking around. "Yes, Ikari." Rei deadpanned, giving a curt bow, then walking away in the direction of the subway.  
  
As Shinji saw her retreating figure, he questioned himself as to why he didn't go with her. He accompanied her all the way here, they were going the same way, and it wasn't all that safe for her to walk alone at this time of night. But Shinji just stood there, under the lamppost.  
  
"So you're just gonna' let her walk away, Shinji?"  
  
Shinji wheeled his head back at the sound of that voice. "Kaji?" Shinji said. "In the flesh, kid." he simply replied. "What are you doing here?" Shinji questioned the bearded man. "Who, me? Just the usual. Sneaking in the shadows, hitting on women, trying to find a way to get back with Misato, this and that." Kaji said nonchalantly. Shinji stared at him. "Ok, ok. I was looking for a really old book. I saw you guys walking past, and decided to see what you were up to." Kaji said.  
  
"So you were spying on us?" Shinji said, pointing an accusing finger at Kaji. "Hey, spying is such a strong word. Call it satiating my curiosity." Kaji said, raising one hand in defense. "But..." Shinji mumbled. "But what, Shinji?" Kaji said. "Nothing." Shinji said. "Well, why aren't you with Ayanami, Shinji? I mean, aren't you going to the same station as she is. You might as well give her some company." Kaji suggested, his true motive hidden. "I would like to, but she's sort of... strange today." This just drew a blank stare from Kaji. "She's stranger than usual." Shinji clarified. "Oh..." Kaji began. "...I was wondering why you guys were in that funky plaything and the movie house. And here I was thinking you got yourself a date." Kaji joked. "Hey!" Shinji said. "Just kidding, Shinji." Kaji said, before his own cell phone rang. Kaji quickly glanced at the glowing screen. "Whoops, looks like Gendo-Almighty wants to speak with me. Hope you take care of your lady problems Shinji." Kaji said, before disappearing into the darkness.  
  
Shinji shook his head and looked up to the stars.  
  
Fin.  
  
Notes:  
  
Spring break, and I'm all alone... How pathetic am I? Well, enough self- pity. How is everyone doing today? Hope you guys are having more fun than I am, although that isn't very hard to accomplish. Godzilla shall now be an important point of this story. No, they won't be fighting Godzilla or anything like that. He'll just be the scapegoat in which Shinji and Rei meet each other. Yep, Rei's gonna be all like, "I-Ikari-kun, w-would you like to go see Godzilla vs. King Kong with me?*blush blush* and Shinji's gonna be all "Why I'd love to go, Ayanami-san." and Rei's gonna be all "Please, Ikari-kun call me Rei." And Shinji's gonna smile all stupid and go. "Sure, Rei. And you can call me Shinji." and then they'd both smile and go to the movies and have a hot passionate tryst while Godzilla rips off Kong's head. Well, shouldn't be giving out too much of the plot. Argh!!!!! I'm bored!!!! 


	6. Author's Note

Author's note: I'm sorry. I apologize to each and every one of you. Most of all, I apologize to my characters. In my desire for acceptance and praise, I lost sight of what truly mattered. The story suffered because of my ego, and in consequence, so did Ayanami-san and Ikari-san. I'm doing a complete re-haul for all chapters after the fifth installment. I hope that these will stay true to my original concept. Thank you for still continuing on with my story. From the bottom of my heart, I wish that this story and it's characters will turn out well.

-FPotM 


	7. Feel a Fear?

Chapter 6

Feel a Fear?

"Thanks for the ride, Kaji." Shinji said to Kaji as he got out of the older man's car. "No problem Shinji. Say hey to Misato for me..." Kaji replied, giving Shinji a small salute as he revved his engine and left the parking lot.

Shinji gave a slight wave as the car turned the corner. As soon as Kaji's car was out of sight, Shinji let out a sigh. He was glad that he caught up to Kaji even after he started to walk away, but now he felt empty inside. He did chicken out, leaving Ayanami to find her way to the train station. He raised his eyes towards the apartment complex that loomed before him. A single yellow porch light was left on, making the building look like an one-eyed giant monster waiting to swallow him up. And unfortunately for Shinji, he knew just what that yellow porch light meant...

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"And where have you been, Third Child." an icy voice greeted Shinji as he entered the door. Shinji cursed under his breath, seeing as his attempt at sneaking in failed miserably. The redhead stood in front of the hallway dressed in her pajamas, her arms crossed under her breasts as she stared down the Third Child. "None of your business..." Shinji whispered in reply, knowing that Asuka couldn't hear him, his eyes downcast. "What was that, Shinji!" Asuka hissed, not liking the tone of voice Shinji's mumbling had taken. "I said I went out, Asuka." Shinji replied, too spineless to really tell her where he went.

"So you 'went out', huh? Tell the truth, Ikari!" Asuka ordered. She was getting pissed. How dare this sniveling little boy lie to her! "I just went... out." Shinji repeated. He was getting nervous. Shinji just wanted to go to his room, lie in bed, and hope this storm would pass. The storm raged on, however.

"So you can lie now too, huh, Shinji?" Asuka said, her voice getting dangerously low. Shinji looked at her with frightened eyes. "Here it comes..." he thought, bracing himself for a tongue-lashing. "Fine. If you want to keep your little date a secret, then keep it that way." Asuka said icily, turning her heel sharply and slamming the door to her room in Shinji's face. The Third Child shook his head slowly, knowing that this would be far worse than any scolding. It would be something that would linger for far longer.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Oh God!" Rei screamed as she hugged Shinji's arm closer in the theater. "Ha, c'mon Rei, this movie isn't even that scary!" Shinji laughed as he grabbed another handful of popcorn from the bucket they shared. "I don't care! How's this any better than that other dinosaur film you made me watch." Rei whined, clutching Shinji tighter as another raptor entered the movie-screen kitchen. "Jurassic Park's twenty years old. I didn't think that there was anybody left alive that would still be scared by it." Shinji replied, looking at Rei with good humor.

"You said the same thing about Godzilla, but that was scary too..." She sighed, looking up to Shinji. The Third Child smiled as the girl looked up to him with... well, he couldn't really pin what it was, but he liked it. Rei felt that familiar stirring in her chest again, the minor fright she received from the movie all but forgotten. Her lips parted slowly as she drew a small breath, then closed, then opened again. Shinji smiled softly, and he inched closer to the young girl's lips. "This is a dream, isn't it?" Rei whispered, as her mouth neared his.

"Doesn't matter..." Shinji replied softly, pulling her gently towards him.

"I suppose not." Rei sighed, as a moment later, their lips met.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Shinji let out a pent-up breath, watching as the sliding door vibrate for a few seconds before he heard a muffled thump in the Second Child's room, presumably from Asuka throwing herself onto her bed. Another shuffle echoed through the apartment, and Shinji turned in time to see the other hallway light sputter to life. "Oh,huh? Shinji, you're back." A bleary-eyed Misato said as she fumbled around the apartment. "Hey Misato." Shinji said softly, feeling tired all of a sudden.

"It's almost one o'clock, Shinji. Tomorrow, I'm going to ask you what happened to keep you for so long, but right now, I'm just glad you came home." Misato said, smiling. "Thanks Misato. I'll be going to my room now." Shinji replied, giving a small bow, just because he felt like it. "Okay. Goodnight, Shinji-chan." Misato said, stifling a yawn as she turned to get to her own bed. Shinji's shoulders slumped as he entered his room. Letting out another built-up sigh, Shinji let his body crash on his bed, fast asleep before his head hit the pillows.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"So this isn't happening at all..." Rei said, her hands on top of Shinji's. "Nope. None of it's real." Shinji said, as they lay on the grass, Shinji's arms encircling her, looking up at the field of stars above that replaced the movie house.

"Great. I have to wake up from this, don't I." Rei said sadly, pressing herself closer to her Shinji, waiting for the inevitable sunrise. "Maybe I just won't wake up." Rei whispered, knowing the life that lay ahead of her.

"Ayanami-san, you know you can't do that." Shinji said, a hint of sorrow in his voice. "And why not? Just so I can be a lifeless shell again? Just so I can be hated and alone? Just so I can be a tool? I'm sorry if that doesn't sound too appealing, but I'd rather sleep forever than go back to that." Rei said softly, but with more conviction than she had ever displayed.

"But what about Shinji..." Shinji said, sounding strange. "I have you, don't I." Rei said, raising her eyes towards him. "Rei, this can't be how things stay." Shinji said softly, drawing his arms away from the girl over him. "I know... demo... can't I stay just a little bit longer..." Rei pleaded, her eye becoming wet. Shinji shook his head no and disentangled himself from the girl, standing up.

"Ayanami-san, you yourself know this is a lie. One of the greatest lies you have ever faced, and worse yet, this is a lie you made for yourself. You know it, and in a sense, so do I, and you hate yourself for it..." Shinji began, as the sun peeked over the horizon. "... There is only one way to escape from this, Rei. Please, for all of us, I hope you can face the morning one more time." Shinji said, waving a small goodbye as the sun shone brightly before the two teenagers...

Rei sat up slowly, looking around. Same gray walls. Same beaker. Same Rei. Same life. "Fk it all..." Rei muttered, slowly rising to live another day in hell.

Author's Note:

Alright, I know this is an effed-up chapter, but I'm stuck in a rut right now. I really need to post something before I go crazy. Somebody please help me out! I need suggestions, and I need them bad.

FPOTM


	8. When the Kids Think of the Future

Disclaimer: Though already made this clear in legalese, I don't own NGE or any of the characters

It's Not Impossible

Chapter 7

When the Kids Think of the Future…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Rei Ayanami experiences a wide range of emotions and sensations, contrary to the observations of most 'normal' people in association with her. They encompass small sentiments such as malaise and curiosity to consuming depression and bizarre introspective bouts of philosophy. However, she lacks the experience of most human beings to properly express her emotions. So her great disappointment in her life's predicament and her newfound fondness of the Third Child seemed to hang above her like a cloud as she climbed the glistening steel rungs of the school's outdoor pool, shaking her hair in a brisk motion as she stepped into the balmy summer heat.

Physical Education was never really a primary concern of hers, her occupation as an Eva pilot more than taxing enough for any average girl. But now as the doldrums of the Second Semester break drew near, she found herself… restless.

The Angel attacks, as far as she knew, were lagging behind schedule, and though the respite was welcome enough to the rest of the NERV staff and civilians of Tokyo-3, Ayanami couldn't help but feel as if this momentary break in the battles would only compound into something much more disturbing. However, these thoughts only lingered briefly in the back of her mind as the clouds shifted above her, the sun peeking through the forms in the sky.

She sighed softly as she walked across the hot concrete of the poolside, resting her hands on the chain-link fence, her eyes still trained on the few hazy clouds that had drifted away from the path of the sun.

"Emotions are comparable to rats, Shinji Ikari…" she mused, her train of thought returning to the boy that had unwittingly opened this can of worms to begin with. What started off as mild interest in the Third Child's motives had ballooned into a disproportionate obsession with the boy.

Interest turned into curiosity. Curiosity turned into concern. Concern turned into trust. Trust turned into caring. And after that… It didn't really matter, she thought, shaking the notions from her head. Right now, that caring sensation was metamorphosing into something quite serious, whether she admitted it or not, and she knew that her psyche at the very least had taken a strange turn in creating her dreams, and at the very worst she was going insane by way of schizophrenia.

"Pain, Ikari… pain borne from a thought of you…" Rei whispered, resting her head on the cool metal as she watched the clouds drift by.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

On the other side of the athletics department:

"To be but a single drop of moisture roiling down the sweet flesh of the maidens afoot…" Kensuke gesticulated wildly, the boy's class engaged in a game of basketball on the ground floor, a story below the pool, the male half of the school alternating between exerting themselves in competition and waiting with bated breath to catch a glimpse of the maidens that passed too and fro above them.

"Kensuke, you really should put your energy into other things. I bet we would have been able to win the last game if you put as much effort in basketball as you do ogling the girl's class…" Shinji sighed, leaning back on the bleachers as he took a seat beside Kensuke, still extolling the virtues of voyeurism.

"Pfft, not a chance, NERV-boy. Not with that big gorilla on the court." Kensuke laughed, jutting a thumb in the direction of Touji, manhandling the ball as he drove through the court, scoring another basket.

"ORAH!!! Another one for team blue!" Touji grunted as he passed by his two friends, giving them a salute as he hounded the opposing team who were frantically passing the ball back and forth in attempt not to be bulldozed by said gorilla.

"Yeah, still. I don't get why you think that stealing looks from the girls is the least… bit… rewarding…" Shinji replied, his voice slowing as he turned towards the fence of the outdoor pool.

"What's wrong with you Shin… oh ho…?" Kensuke said, his look of concern as to why Shinji began to stop in mid sentence turning into a wry smirk as he followed the pilot's line of sight.

"Hypocrite is a good color on you, Shin-man." Kensuke whistled slapping Shinji's shoulders as he let out a cackle, knocking the Third Child back into reality.

"H-hey!" Shinji yelped in surprise, trying to cover up his indiscretion.

"So what is it about her, man? The piercing red eyes? Her cool, exotic blue hair? Her porcelain complexion? It can't possibly be for her figure, the way her breasts swell under that-"

"Kn-knock it off, Kensuke!" Shinji interjected, turning away in an attempt to hide the sudden redness in his cheeks.

"Thou dost protest too much." Kensuke sniped, laughing at his friend's reaction.

"Geez, does it have to be that way with everything to you guys?" Shinji said, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

"Yup, that's what teenagers do, Shinji. Get with the program!" Touji said, adding his two bits as he passed by in a flash, off to score another shot for the blue team.

"Sigh I guess I can't pass it off as being concerned for her well being, huh?" Shinji muttered in defeat, turning back to Kensuke, who was still in the act of gazing the lovely young women of the P.E. class.

Kensuke snorted, "Right, like anything will happen to them in… Oh shit, Shinji, Rei's collapsed!!!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"I think you pushed yourself too hard…" a familiar voice drifted into Rei's consciousness.

"Anh…" Ayanami moaned, her head fuzzy as she came to, or at least some semblance of clarity.

As her vision cleared, Rei was greeted by the smiling visage of no one other than the very focus of her musings for the past few weeks. "…. Ikari?"

"Ouch… didn't we already get past that whole last name, deal, Rei?" Shinji laughed, leaning closer to the girl, resting his palm on the pillow cradling her.

"Oh, it's _you…_" Rei smiled, a sudden surge of relief coursing through her as she gently wrapped her arms around the dream-Shinji, holding him closer to her bedridden form.

"It seems I find myself in the nurse's office, ne, Shinji-kun?" Rei smiled, whispering into the object of her affections.

"Mmm, yeah. Your mind's pretty sharp, not that we didn't know that already…" Shinji smiled, pulling away from Rei as he took a chair and placed it by the First Child's bedside.

"The subconscious is a pretty powerful thing, after all. It figured out that you blacked out, concluded that you would be brought to the nurse's office, and sent me so that you wouldn't panic if you decided to start hallucinating before coming out of your fainting spell." Shinji summed up nicely, taking Rei's hand in his.

"Oh. I suppose I did exit the pool without properly acclimating myself to the higher temperature of both the poolside concrete and the atmospheric humidity…" Rei calculated, still in awe of her mind's machinations.

"Yeah. Worrying about your sanity can make the world seem to phase out. Am I really that much of a bother to you, my little angel?" Dream-Shinji chuckled, resting Ayanami's hand on his cheek.

"No… never… I just find that these complexity of these fantasies… disconcerting…" Rei whispered guiltily, her eyes not meeting with Shinji's as she withdrew her hand from the representation of the Third Child.

"Is that why you've been avoiding sleep lately, Rei?" Shinji whispered, a tinge of sadness in his voice.

"These…. Delusions… I no longer find myself in control of my actions. At times it seems as though I am in full control of my facilities, and then…" Rei's voice dropped even softer, her mind recalling the last vivid fantasy, her experience of a night at the movies with Shinji. She was so… normal. Was that what she perceived as what Shinji truly wanted? No, was that what _she herself_ wished for? To be closer to Ikari… what was happening to her?

"I can't answer those questions for you, Rei-chan… after all, I'm just an extension of your own mind… I don't know anything that you yourself can't admit to…" Shinji sighed, placing his hand over her forehead, before kissing her gently.

Rei felt a tear roll down her cheek as she sank into the kiss, the fact that this Ikari was nothing more than a figment of her imagination a moot point for her. Her body ached for his touch, and the emotions in her chest would no longer be denied. She closed her eyes, hearing his gentle voice, as she slowly parted from his lips.

"Ayanami… Ayanami…" his voice repeated, and Rei slowly opened her eyes.

The afternoon sun framed his face so perfectly as it filtered through the soft clinic's drapery. His eyes were filled with so much concern. For her… only for her…

"Shinji… may your eyes never leave mine…" Rei whispered with a gentle smile, her fingers rising from her sides, catching the surprised Third Child's hair, pulling Shinji closer to her lips.

The kiss was so sweet. It held no need, no lust or passion. Just the purity of two souls, seeking each other in a world that they could no longer control. The brush of his lips seemed so… real… in that one moment in time…

Almost as if…

The moment was broken. Rei's eyes shot open wide as she slowly withdrew from the Third Child's kiss. His shuddering breath was labored, and his eyes confused, shining with unshed tears, as he met Ayanami's own, crimson gaze.

"Ikari…" Rei's lips silently spelled, knowing that this was no longer a dream, but harsh, frozen reality…

FIN (for now)

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Author's Note:

Dun DUN DUN!!! Holy cow, Batman! Dramatic Conflict! Wow… it took me, what, a year and change to update this fic? I hope that I didn't disappoint you guys too badly. Thanks to Rei's misunderstanding, what does this hold for the Children of Eva? Is Shinji's going to grow a spine and be a man about this, or is he gonna run away? Secondly, I hate that the new format totally took out the tabs and indentations. That was a really good form device, you know. Anyways, Your thoughts are always appreciated. Sorry again for the long update. As always

-FPotM


End file.
